at 967

i didnt make it to a 1000 post in bruffbone. but at least there are 967 posts.
if anyone still visits this blog, maybe i should say,
I'VE MOVVEED!

when will it burst?

the rubber band might just snap one day.

i wonder what can make me happier these days.

topsy-turvy

life's been in a pretty mess for the past few week. thing were happening, mummy's not healthy and i just pray that she'll escape from cancer. sigh. I didnt quite feel worried when she told me about it but untill i realised that she was freaking freaking worried, i couldnt help it but feared. there were days that i actually cried but most of the time, i hold it back.
when people tell stories about cancer, i'll fear. caz i dont want mummy to leave me. yet.
i wonder what mummy thinks, would she rather hear them or just stay in her own peace.

Daddy God, i pray that you will keep mum in Your hands.
for now, please give some respect to my mum. or you'll never know what i'll do.

sometimes sining seems to be the best remedy. been back to my greatest sin that i was in before i was a christian and took me about 4 years of christian life to be free-ed. Although this time it's different but same genre lah. but it's been there for the past weeks. sometimes it gets real bad. like you know it's wrong but then you'll still walk into the boundary. praying didnt quite work cause i knew i could face God. I wasnt even able to pray the Lord's Prayer without getting distracted.
So last week, i decided to go on a fast. one to teach me how to avoid temptation, two to have mummy safe.

stop on friday and somehow things got better. i was able to avoid sining, or maybe sin less. and even when there were times when the brain tries to psyco you to sin, somehow things distracted me from sining. and what more, last night, i manage to say the Lord's Prayer without getting distracted.

lead us not in to temptation but deliver us from evil.

lesser time at home i guess.

blogging less,
i wonder why.

maybe my life's not that exciting anymore?
but okay what.

youth hub and the kids are great.
climbing at boulderactive was pretty fun. but i do need to traaaainnn more.
lync's graduation party was not too bad lah. even thou i was horribly, half, undressed. =)

OH, i got my moduel class and selection already.
got my 5th module, and 75% of my class will be made up of year 3s. kill me please.

ah peh wan chee and lastest favourite boy, dustin!
my fav indian boy, vinesh, hasnt been coming, i think caz he's been mixing too much with bad company. sigh, so young you know.......... 12 years old i hope he comes back soon. even if he's there to bullshit and bully me.

with trust and faith.

i know i haven been going climbing cause of work and stuff. and few days ago, i decided that i should build up some muscles. no time for proper exercising, no rocks to hang on. so i chose the stairs.
running/walking up 18 floors for the past 3 days is untimately tiring. but well, it's a good i think. had a challange with bro today and obviously i won, while he gave up at the 14th floor. it's actually good that he made it all the way to the 14th floor. try it, it'll kill you for sure.

i hope me legs gets stronger from these 18 stories and help me to be able to climb better despite having a rock wall. and also, window grills are also been a good source of exercising material. hang there and train the muscles.

climbing comp in 2 or 3 weeks time.

watch the climbing comp at SMU today.
and i realised that sometimes, this is life.
no matter how much i would like to climb, i'll have to face the reality.
WELL, in God's timing.
in God's timing.

i got my pay today but is a little confused with the sum of money i got. shall ask AJ when i see her.

climbing with God

and i finally asked,
give me a chance, let me glow.
for this i pray, to Daddy God.

i guess it's been a really long time since i've built up the courage to ask God for something. something that i really wanted to maybe succeed in or to be proud of. it suddenly felt like all my chances were gone, like i used to have comments that i was good, well, one of the best. and somehow i knew that there were people who were expecting great achievments from me. But maybe i should just blame myself from being uncommitted, to climbing.
i've been missing my chances to prove my ability.
I can easily blame it on working/serving God during my holidays, which prevented me from climbing as well as joining a comp that could simply prove my ability, but somehow, i wasnt able to blame work at all because, i love the job, the kids, and i wouldnt even think about giving up this job for climbing.

But Lord, now i ask,
that somehow, You'll able to help me climb while i work.
Give me to strength and energy.
the ability to climb well and recieve glory,
for surely i will return all glory to You.

GLORY, it's like a very selfish word to use. and it took my a long time to even say out that word to God as i left the climbing room, without being able to climb. And as i walk out to the entrance of school, i prayed. but felt that glory just seemed so unholy in God eyes. But then i chose glory because i felt small in the climbing group, 80% malays (who convers in malay most of the time), 2 chinese girls, one who is super socialable and the other, me, who is super anti social. sometimes, all it takes to make me happy is to be able to hear someone calling my name, teaching me how to climb the right way. And it's not that i'm outcasted or something, it's that i really dont know how to communicate well.
and today, i thanked God for send one who spoke and totally updated me with every upcoming comps for the year.

glory.
i feared to tell God that. but then for a long time, God spoke, and cause i haven listened for a long time, it took me a long time to understand.
few days ago, while doing my QT, it was talking about prayer in practice. where it said that i should pray about everything. in Philippians 4:6, "tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done"
from big things to small things, i could ask Him.
then He told me about faith.
i guess being very very very dissappointed in my O level result has taken a whole big chunk of my faith in Prayer. I asked but i never recieve. so i chose not to ask anymore, but let Him do things of His will. But sometimes, God just wants you to ASK.


praying for glory wasnt by faith that time but it was more of a courage. "it glory too self?" but i managed to say it out. and found a little faith growing.

i dunno wether i'll excel further in climbing during this holiday with work, but i would really want to see God working in my life once again.


and thank Him for all He has done

RAINBOW!

while waiting for my bus to come, a few kids came down from their school bus, and after awhile they point up to the sky and said.
"RAINBOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

IT'S SUPER PRETTY.
and what i saw behind bukit panjang plaza wasnt just it.
as the bus drove along bukit panjang, there was more.
it was SO BIG that it seemed like it's governing over bukit panjang, from one end to another.


did you see the rainbow??

this picture is taken from my house.

but after 5 mins it went away, cause the sun was setting.

how often do you see such a rainbow? it was my first. and it made my day. =)

Gen 9:13

I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.

youth hub

it's raining heavily now. and i wonder if there's gonna be many kids in the hub today to boost up some energy in me.


oh if you didnt know, i've finally started work.

a little sad valentine.

i think i'm slowly putting more of climbing into my life, because i was actually upset that didnt have my climbing shoes which prevented me from joining a mini comp today.

maybe it's a good thing that made me realised i do like rock climbing.
well, maybe God has His reason for not getting me into the comp. although i really wanted to try it out and see where i stand.

lonely valentine at home.
but who cares.
just needed to settle down for one day.

it could change a life.

something came into my mind at class's bbq yesterday, and it was the last thing that i'll ever want to consider of but it was in my thoughts of for at least 5 secs. plus somehow, this time, i dunno why but the pressure was really high.

you know like God has set this very very clear bourdary for me that i should never smoke, not even try a puff, cause He once told me that if i try, it'll be something that i'll never be able to get rid of.

and somehow at THAT moment, i just felt God using so much strength to pull me back to Him saying no, repeating what He has told me before, over and over. While friend/s tries to temp me.

you know at the moment, i felt like i was being hypnotized or something caz never in my life was i tempted by this and thank God for awaking me.

but still i'm super affected and shocked by that 5 secs.
its scary when i start thinking of what had happened.

driving.

up infront of my table like a reflection.

life sucks.

i have a brother.

I have a brother.
and i called him into my room to check out his new name card design.

so he sat on my bed and started to look through my stuff.
my tv related cables, food and air-con control.
and asked many many questions.

then he left with this sentance.
"i dont care, you better think. (of a new design for the back of the namecard)"

many hours, when i'm done with the namecard i realised stuffs.
1) he ate my snack and threw the wraper on my tv table.
2) he left his empty bottle of apple juice on my tv table.
3) he change me air-con temperature from 25 to 18 degrees and i was almost freezing.


i have a brother,
a silent killer.

march twelve

was watching tv just now and it advertised a singapore band called "march twelve".
hahah yes my very favourite day i guess.
checked it up.
their song isnt that nice.
But since my previous blog song entry is no more here, here a new song.

the intro is kinda LOOOONNNGGGG.
and it's the only song i can find from imeem


march twelve - brainwashed -

climb and tare.

i went climbing today.
and made three more blisters.
2 on left, 1 on my right pinky.
kill me please.
it hurts much more than the previous ones, especially when it's under water.

SEE LAH THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT CLIMBING AFTER A LONG TIME.

more than just a crack.

wah lauuu life sucks mann.
just when my fingers are healing from the wounds and being almost painless, i happily did push-ups on my bed and made a crack of wound on and almost fully healed finger.

now, i cant open up my fingers again.
ajwoirjdnfiuzsgrlqndkdlask

what?

somehow, i feel that i'm slowly losing my emotions

like a plain stone at times.

daddy.

my dad accidently threw away my brother's hundred over dollars external hard drive plus other IT stuff, that he bought today.

and i think my brother was super sad when the dust bin was emptyed.
i'll seriously cry if i'm my brother.
somemore IT is like one of my bro's favourite.
it's like getting a new toy and throwing it before you can play with it.


i think dad's getting old.


WENT CLIMBING TODAY.
left with three digusting blister on my left hand.
But climbing was still cool lah.
blame it on not climbing for almost 2 mths.

how to

The steamboat heater for reunion dinner at my aunt’s house didn’t quite worked the way we wanted it to. So dad came out with this. “ how to starve your guest.”

Then today, after visiting, he came home and went into the kitchen to cook a can of $100 abalone, where he killed the family. And then he came out with this. “How to so torture your family.” With a $100 worth delicacy.

(jun, if you think that big bird’s chicken rice and steamboat chilie is suppper spicy, try this.)
amazingly, it was suppppperrrrr good that we finished it.

and finally......

LET ME DO A PROPER POST.


been pretty busy lately, maybe that's why i didnt bother posting anything, properly. i guess pictures really do help me in cutting down in lot of words. maybe jun can learn this from me. well, i still suck at writing, and i'll never ever be a writer.

Ok climbmax 09 just ended last sat. Did i say that it's freaking tiring?!?!?! went to school at 730am and left at 11pm. well it's not only the darn long hours. But the tiring part came in when i have to RUUUUNNNN from outdoor climbing wall, to the registration booth. Although it didnt seem very far from the wall but i think it's the psychological thing, where your surrounding is so green and empty, that it looks like the distance is doubled. so, you just cant help it, but to run.
WELL, i guess the good thing about this whole climb max was, i managed to built some closer relationship with the climbers. For example, slacking and playing scrambler with jocelyn.
And till today, we're still playing it.

and woah i tell you, climbing guys are freakkkkinnggg hot. Even the ugly ones are redeemed by their perfect body. six packs i tell you. i wish to get one, not a lump of fats but real muscles.

IEFFA was the most amazing female climber ever and yes, she did make RP proud, pity that she's year 2 OR YEAR 3 in april and wouldnt represent my batch much in her year three. I should really work hard on upgrading my standards in climbing. climb asia, yishun safra and school climbing days should be regular. Just hope that trainings in sch will be at night so that i'll be able to go down after YOUTH HUB.

YES, youth hub, gonna Give at least a mth of my holidays to God and wont bother much about the money matter, maybe i'll go out and work in march. And i hope i do. feels like working in Starbucks or some coffee brewing place, but doubt so caz i think there's a need to work for 3 months or something.

OH wells, i'll see how. maybe i'll end up continuing in Youth hub. It's not a very bad job lahh but i still have some outside job experience.


YEAR one ends and it's always very weird that only on the last week of school that the class will bond together and treasure each other. Also, at every last min of being in the same class we'll always talk about how we all meet and reacted on the first day of school. And it's a pity that andre didnt come to school today. I think he's really cute and surely he has brought ALOT AND ALOT of laughter to the class.
Talking about Andre, he just did his very weird friendly greetings to shandy on wednesday.


Shandy's birthday celebration just ended few hrs ago. and it was totally awesome. So awesome that she cried. awwwwww. So much for proper planning and ponning school on tuesday, with min hui, to prepare and bake her cake. Even thou the only disspointment i had was when my 5 helium colour ballons died after 24hrs. but the birthday designed ballon still stands tall.

happy holidays in bangkok and wish you all the best for you coming year.
REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU AND MIN HUI TOO!

SUCCEEDED.

YEAR TWO SIAAAAAAAAA

AT THIS POINT OF TIME, I'M OFFICIALLY A GRADUATE OF RP'S YEAR ONE!
YAYYYYY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOING OUT TO CELEBRATE SHANDY'S BDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANDY!

W46G

driving is good today caz i finally got my malay instructor back. MUCH better than the stupid chinese guy who ALWAYS buy dinner and leave me driving alone.
Learn the back parking today!



Had lesson in a freaking cool lecture room yesterday. It like some super cool conference kind of room that like 4 rows high, many chairs like those in the photos and at every seat, you have your own MIKE, power plug, a sound cable and the cable thing to screen your laptop infront our the class.

Oh and there are like 4 cameras in the room. it's the black thing above the clock.
DARNNN COOL. makes you feel professional but insecure, caz the faci cant see everything that's on you laptop.

=)

weaken by your grace

"let the weak say i am strong"
"but may i be weak before my Lord, to live in His strength."

I guess i've really been struggling these many mths telling myself that my walk with God is there and actually it is not. Sometimes I feel that i'm just too afraid to admit that my walk with God has fallen, or when i see that people around me who seemed like they are doing well with the Lord, it cause me to feel that I am also growing with the Lord.

But did i psyco myself to say that "hey i've been good with the Lord" to the extend that when people ask me "how your walk with God" i'll say, "ok lor, not progressing not falling" and i remembered how denise once said that there's not stagnant walk with God. only ups and downs. And with out realisation, i'm actually slowly going down and that passion for God isnt there anymore, the times when God just walk with me and speak to me at any point of time doesnt seems to happen. Or times when i'm so willing to scarifice sometimes just to spend time with God. There really no such thing as being stagnant, cause the moment there's no progress with God means you're falling.

and what God really spoke to me yesterday during 9am service was as simple as just saying "Daddy God, i'm weak, and i need You" I've been wanting to be so strong that I wouldnt soften my heart to look for God. and there was a moment that i really wanted to walk down to the front and ask for prayers. but somehow i didnt do it.

I want to be a child who runs back to God when He asks.

I remembered during the early cityteens time, I would, forever, go up for minstry, cry, slain and be refreshed. But as i grew older, i started hearing things like "they always ask for ministry then it's like pointless to go up everytime...." and i guess along the years, my defination of being Holy slowly became "dont go up means i'm holy, i'm alright with God, so i dont need minstry."

But that's really not the point, being able to stand up for God, be guilty and actually say that "HEY i'm not right with You, i want to renew my love for You again" shows a heart that's wanting God more and more and more.. for there is not limit in loving God.


let me sing (from my heart) to You, and give praises to Your name.

What The LORD Has Done In Me - Darlene Zschech

adrenaline

and how awesome is it that i am still have energy. I guess, if i'm really bored and loney, i'll just fall into deeeeep sleep.

helping out for the climbing comps for the pass 2 days has been pretty awesome. although i'm not climbing in any comp, i still feel that i have a responsibilty in doing the registeration stuff before i'll even think of leaving something that i'm suppose to handle cause i want to join comp. WELL, maybe comps will be for next time.

ANYWAYS, after the comp, i finally manage to have climbs 3 wall out of 4. caz the 4th one seemed impossible. and yes, it's freakkinnggg tiring.
serve me right for not climbing for a mth.


enough of climbing, i'm going to prepare to sleep in 45mins time.

back to school

life sucks caz school starts tomorrow. or in 8hrs time.

but it's just 3 more weeks, 15more days till many months of holiday.

yay serve reunion thing tml or whatever you call it.

wah lauuuuuu

i guess the deepest regret of going for rock climbing today is that i wasnt even able to touch or climb rocks. but maybe the good thing about it is that at least i showed my face and did something, quite helpful but sucky. stupid RP just have to make us pack the goody bags, not in hundreds but thousands and thousands of green bags plus many many phamlets. the worst part is that they didnt even supply us with air con in that stuffy indoor basketball court but just 3 fans that obviously everyone wasnt able to recieve.


AND SHIT. I FORGOT TO DO MY DESIGN STUFF.
SCREW IT.
needs a tumbdrive and i dunno wheres mine. syl has one of mine, bro another i think but he's sleeping.


ARRGGHHHHHH LIFE SUCKS.

2009!

happy new year people!

spend the last mins of 2008 with kim by having ba ku teh from balestier rd to coffee from united sq's starbucks and finally to newton for chicken wings when a very small cute uncle welcomes everyone into 2009 by hitting a tin of oil with a stick.
indeed a cool way of counting down.


WELL, they say new year must have resolutions right and i'm not one who hopes or wants much but here's my list of things that i'll hope to achieve this year.

1) pass driving prac with first try
2) put my heart into rock climbing.
3) love what i'm going to do in poly year 2.
4) make more friends in poly.
5) lose more weight?
6) grow spiritually
7) go out and work.
8) leave singapore for a moment. (sister's leaving for hongkong at 6am and i'm here still trying to get out of singapore.)

hmm i think that's all. i'm a girl of little dream cause i'm willing to accept anything that come or go. i mean i belief that since i'm living for God, it's up to Him to decide what's up for me.
=)
OR maybe i've faced too many disappointments in life that i dont bother dreaming big but just trust in God.



Isaiah 55:9
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts"