when will it burst?

the rubber band might just snap one day.

i wonder what can make me happier these days.

topsy-turvy

life's been in a pretty mess for the past few week. thing were happening, mummy's not healthy and i just pray that she'll escape from cancer. sigh. I didnt quite feel worried when she told me about it but untill i realised that she was freaking freaking worried, i couldnt help it but feared. there were days that i actually cried but most of the time, i hold it back.
when people tell stories about cancer, i'll fear. caz i dont want mummy to leave me. yet.
i wonder what mummy thinks, would she rather hear them or just stay in her own peace.

Daddy God, i pray that you will keep mum in Your hands.
for now, please give some respect to my mum. or you'll never know what i'll do.

sometimes sining seems to be the best remedy. been back to my greatest sin that i was in before i was a christian and took me about 4 years of christian life to be free-ed. Although this time it's different but same genre lah. but it's been there for the past weeks. sometimes it gets real bad. like you know it's wrong but then you'll still walk into the boundary. praying didnt quite work cause i knew i could face God. I wasnt even able to pray the Lord's Prayer without getting distracted.
So last week, i decided to go on a fast. one to teach me how to avoid temptation, two to have mummy safe.

stop on friday and somehow things got better. i was able to avoid sining, or maybe sin less. and even when there were times when the brain tries to psyco you to sin, somehow things distracted me from sining. and what more, last night, i manage to say the Lord's Prayer without getting distracted.

lead us not in to temptation but deliver us from evil.